Poetry, Quill

And…

And I look at my mom – I see a distant image of what she could be
If it wasn’t to be what she should be
If it wasn’t for dad, or for me, or for my elder brother
Only if she had a chance of being herself first – than being a mother.
I sit with her and I look into her eyes, as she cries,
And glares back to her younger side, through me,
And hear it say, don’t worry mom, you raised two good men,
It’s all gonna be all right.

And suddenly at four in the night, the insulin level
shoots and he’s sweating in the cold night.
He grabs a snack from the side and munches on it
while me and mom look into his eyes – they still ain’t watery
Maybe too dry to cry. These nights are so lengthy and
the sun doesn’t shine for even he- who fed fifteen at a time.
Yeah, that’s it, it’s his fight with the time,
Dilapidated and weary, he still smiles down at us
and says don’t worry, I’ve got it, you’re all mine.

And as I glide, through the streets of area four,
I look at the corner three-story house
that looks like coroner, and condenses a cloud
of memories and rains it all out.
I see my brother bowling the eighty bucks red cherry
and I swivel my bat it hits the ball and the window cracks
and my neighbor screams- that’s out just before mom comes out
and we run for our lives and we laugh as we hide.
I reminiscent the launch, the tenth, and the ninth
who do friends change lovers, and love is out of life
I glance at my wrist- gotta run- it’s ten past the class time

And I wonder if he also smiles seeing all this too
as sits back seven thousand miles tryna fit in the shoes
of a man, these times demand of him to be.
In a life, he barely got time to breathe
out a sigh, let go of to laugh or to cry.
But I guess, no matter our different grounds
we both smile cause we’ve got the same blue sky.

And now, I got to keep my quill down
’cause though I don’t really get it
but the benzene ring’s freaking me out.

Poetry

Carnivore

Love.
Four words, one catastrophe.
You see love is a wrench,
It’ll lure you in with
honey coated lies,
It is a vicious cycle and
once you’re trapped,
It will bring you to your knees,
Begging for time out,
Love is like two way lane,
Our one tracked mind
doesn’t work in that way,
You wish to receive the
love you’re sending,
But reality is often disappointing,
Love is like plants:
Carnivore plants,
You’ll never know it’ll eat you alive,
spit out your heart,
And leave you all immobile.

Poetry, Write Ups

Unfinished

And apparently
moving on is not as easy
as they show it in movies

Months after ‘us’ turned into you and I
I cry myself to sleep sometimes
and you probably smoke all your memories
Too stubborn, aren’t we?
we just can’t take that goddamn phone and
call each other

You know, one of these days
I miss you a little too much
alcohol may or may not have been
involved in the process
So I made you a list of things
I miss the most about you;
your smell, you running your fingers down my
spine, that 9:10 local & platform one

Poetry, Quill

Something

Turn in the beat of headlights, play the chorus, I’ve got something to edit, something to pen, something to confess

I know I let you down
And though you say the days are happy
Why is the power off, and I’m fucked up?
And yeah, I know I’m not around
But don’t you place the blame on me
As you pour yourself another drink and

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

I went in headfirst
Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse
You all probably got it the worst
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are
Did I take it too far?
To the stars and all them other songs
But regardless I don’t hate you ’cause yeah
You’re still beautiful to me, I remember all those hours
Though far be it for you to be calling, the episode was Vietnam
Desert Storm and all of us put together
Can form an atomic bomb equivalent to chemical warfare
And forever we can drag this on and on
But, agree to disagree
It was all true I said, you were Brutus, et tu Brute, Ceaser was me
You’re kicking me out? I never cheated on you at least listen to me (little prick just leave)
Wait a minute, before we gloat, anything to have each other’s goats
Why we always at each others throats? Especially when you and me we both realize, We’re in the same fucking boat, you’d think that it’d make us close (nope)
Further away that drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings
Still got a ways to go, back to the launch when your feelings glowed
And I was always the leader of the pack, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load
Then it got all changed at the fete when our feelings were told, and
That’s when I realized you were hurt and it wasn’t fixable or changeable
And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

But I’m really sorry for ‘To The Stars’, at the time I was angry
Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, ’cause
Now I know it’s not your fault, and I’m not making jokes
That flow no longer goes and I cringe every time I get to hear its good- I might blow
And I think of you being placed in this situation
you yourself created for me everywhere I go
And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but
Now the all angers taken over and your mental peace’s deteriorating slow
And I’m way too old to cry, that shit’s painful though
I forgive you, can’t expect the same though
All you did, all you said, you did your best protect ‘em both
You only cared, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours
I don’t want to accept it but I’m getting it now oh what a tangled web we have, ’cause

Cause enough of it shut the beat down now, lets get back to Prodigy, turn to my beats

Now, it feels I got to stay a mile away from raps, just look at them distantly

Cause the moment I pen one regret overpowers instantly

Force shut down these demons in my head

It’s the 3 in the morning I’m laying in my bed

The lyrics wont stop and the beat never dies, 24/7 365 all the time I hit this vibe

I ask to myself is this life

Too strong to cry too tough to die

Cant just end it all with a weak sigh

The expectations and the admirations are so damn high

Feels I’m male mother mary heaven’s my home and my ground is sky

Still i decide to go the other way round

I put this craft, out in public

and start to get replies

one says you sure you wanna do this

other says stop disturbing people’s peace of mind

Im sorry love, i never meant this

But you got to open your eyes, dont be biased, dont turn blind

Its the same people who did this shit

yet they never agreed to it

But once I pen it down, they feel all so relatable, cause now I’m blamable

Its so fix-atable, I guess im not bearable

but think of that young kid once

who walked in Rumi’s fields

and talked about Hafiz’s dreams

yet all he does now is cribs and screams

while you talk of peace of mind

after leaving him alone- he’s a problem child

well I guess you got to sit down

and hear not mine, not his, but your sound

before you prounce on that problem child

you got to open your eyes, don’t be biased, don’t be blind

Yeah, I’m sorry and scared to even think of her attempting suicide

But I guess it gotta be tasted once, what’s that- potassium cyanide

Life is all about highs and lows, but sometime certain things make you blow

And I don’t get it how is everything finished, when you end with end

With a heavy dialogue and feed me shit

Am I not supposed to bounce back, even if it’s through these little soundtracks

Well in the end, I just agree, even I feel I need a therapist to see

A mad child, a problem child, no one wants to see

But yeah don’t give me your fake sympathy

Just rather stay a block away from me

You all got it, stripped me off my confidence

Mission accomplished, I am off with competence

I rest my quill, guess that’s what doesn’t make us alike

As long I’ve got it I feel god like  

But I just wanna be a normal child

Snubbed in his books, got no reason to cry

No Mozart, got no skills

No dissing and no lyrical kills

Poetry, Quill

To The Stars?

Hey, people, this is my first ever rap. Hope you all enjoy it.

All characters and events in this rap- even those based on real people- are entirely fictional. The following craft contains explicit language and description and due to its content should not be viewed by everyone.

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Also, I strictly am against the use of explicit language, yet keeping in mind nature of the industry and the need of hyperbole I had to include 6 such words in this 1019 word long rap. So, I’ll still censor a 0.0059 part of the rap, for I dont wish to degrade anyone’s dignity, not even accidentally. Here we go

.

.

Yeah, go again. That’s good huh?

.

Pick up the pen and open the pad

That’s a good alternate than look so sad

Now go back try vent out the crap

And vomit all out call it a rap

Then see them go crazy and mad

You write so well you must be crack

Well maybe I’m just a jack

But what if maybe Prodigy’s back

.

Prodigy made me and entertained you too

Can’t be gone already didn’t forget him, did you?

The crazy one, the one they call rude

And shrewd and lewd and the one who’s booed

When he walks up on the stage, yet without an apology

Maybe that’s why you take a bow, and call him prodigy

But how can I be so sure of his revival

When I, myself sit here struggling for survival

In this dark, in this abyss, where there’s no music

And no humming, and the beats ain’t drumming

And the rhymes ain’t running, and the quill ain’t flowing

And the flow ain’t going, and the fire ain’t blowing

And the eyes ain’t glowing, and this shit ain’t selling

And the pain’s only swelling and I sit with my head, weighed down

And raps ain’t spitting when I open my mouth

Got to put my hand in my throat and

Grab some lyrics and pull them out

Just to be sure I’m not knocked out

.

Knocked out from this game of pain and shame and blame

Where friends and lovers are changing every second

But I don’t wanna play this I reckon

Aah, you don’t get a choice, I’d rather die

You forgot it again, Kings never die

But you can always grab a corner

Where you sit and cry

You sure about that? Sure I can cry?

Oh yes I am, of course you can

After all youre just another man

That’s the best thing I heard, heard in days

Cause trust me dawg, I too want the same

Well in that case, I’m so sorry mate, it’s too damn bad

Cause now it’s something you can’t have

Whoa what’s that? Why I ask

But meanwhile three already shattered their hearts of glass

I rush to the sound, grab the pieces try to put ‘em back

But in the process, I cut my hand

And as if I’m some random woman, they see me bleed

And throw me out of their clan.

.

I sit back smiling trying to comprehend

Where when why in the wrong I went

How did I come in this position to vent

Was it in the fete or the texts I sent

Got to sit back for a moment and reminiscent

Cause let me honest I’m out of gas

.

Got to end this mess, stop being an over understanding a**

Seems like the end is near, got to pull out my finger dear

And not the ring, thumb, index, or pinkie dude

The one you pull out when you’re about to shoot

How many times do I tell you dear, I really just don’t care

Whether you hate me, or love me, or like me player

Just tell me where’s my God damn snare

Cause from this fake love of yours we are all so sick

And this ain’t for you, but the other one who’s reading this

The one who acted like a prick

Who created this illusioned love story of ours

Where I bring her the moon and all the stars

Well that’s the problem with all you girls

Talk to you nice, you’re singing with the birds

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Now coming back to you, you go to my family and you cry

And tell them why he and me, we both should die

After all we force you to choose, and you get all so confused

Well guess what beggars can’t be choosy, and hear this from a beggar too

A beggar turned King, King turned poet, a poet who sings

A singer who’s dead, the dead who grins

I guess now its just turning into a diss track

.

Look at it yourself, even your thought is enough to distract

We’re now changing all its course, and getting on the opposite track

I’m steering it, this rap is a ship

I’m both zenith and nadir b****

any you don’t deserve any of it

Just stay a f***ing mile away from me

You better watch your language there

You better save it and shut up b****

It’s already enough of it

Can’t take no more of your s***

It’s a humble message to you all

Stop your a***s from bouncing on the wall

Gonna grab your throats and choke you all

And there’s no jokes or fun here kids

A simple warning gonna tear you in bits

Cause even I’m afraid devil’s back

He’ll put you all up in a sack

Light a fire beneath, and hear you shout

And wouldn’t even piss on it to put you out

.

But I don’t think I’ll be able to do that too

Seems, after all, I’m not so screwed

So once again, I’ll got the other away round

Pick up a two-point stick

And hammer it down my esophagus, till I can’t shout

And a lovely little fountain of blood spurts out

In the background, a profound harmony plays and trumpets fade

Creating a perfect verisimilitude, as to die I fall down

Like a man who tied his throat, with a rope

But the Gods cut it down, I touch the ground

But get right back up, horns start to blow and drums beat again

Just like that, I’m psyched back up

Did I fail again, or is it success

.

This Rubik’s– beautiful tangled mess

I look in the mirror all perplexed

Can’t even cry, nothing to regret

Just slide open your cupboard

Pull a suit, and get back dressed

Show the world why you’re the best

Everybody knows it’s lonely at the top

But I can’t just sit back and sob

Fit your shoes, the moon wasn’t far

Too easy dawg, now let’s get to the stars

Now let’s get to the stars

Now let’s get to the stars  

Poetry, Quill

I’m Happy

And patiently I write what I’ve held in my heart,
For in sadness, I tend to forget times like these,
When the air smells sweet, my arms beneath my chin,
I’m smiling in the winter morning breeze,
It’s hard to remember the times like these.

It should be cold under a few degrees,
But I’m warm for my heart saw you smile at me,
The fog from my breath floats away at dawn,
And the warm fuzzy hoodies that remind you of me,
I hope I remember the times like these.

I’m happy and sadness seems miles away,
The world itself hums a melodious tune,
I blush for the sweet life in front of me,
There’s order, yet a beautiful entropy,
I want to remember the times like these.

And whence comes dusk unexpectedly,
As I sulk away in my balcony,
Sadness caresses my face, calm and composed,
I’ll open this page and read it again,
To make sure, I remember the times like these.

Poetry, Quill

Crimson

In the embrace of silence,
There echoed a faint pestilence,
Lurking amongst the moonlit night,
With stars still shining high,
Ironic that it cometh in waves,
Yet never does it go away,
A graveyard graph it so began,
Yet the numbers piling either way,
Sadness sown, sadness shall reap,
Each breath it took,
Three followed close,
As a cycle that never stopped,
A knock on the door,
A thump on the floor,
And a heart that just won’t beat,
It cometh in waves,
When it goes away,
Crimson is all I can breathe,
Murder, IT’S MURDER,
You killed yourself,
And so sweetly you took my god away,
Ironic, such pestilence, it kills itself,
But births three anew in your brain.

Poetry, Quill

OPHELIA

Through the dripping hollows of my resentful body,
Beneath the scarlet branches of my bosom,
Constellations stretched alongside the soft hair that defines my femininity,
Near the flower forced to blossom, drenched in blood that proves my femininity
Calloused hands: the doom of my body
Time slips across the temple of my patched skin
The torn veil of sanity brushed over parts that lie numb
My body is just an addition to the sea of bodies that drown in the entirety of a teardrop planet.
A wave of darkness; the tyranny of the body ends here, and my soul escapes.
It floats through the sadness the body drowned in while it was alive,
There’s no sailor the siren can allure,
There is no flesh, the skin rots.
What fed is now feast.

Poetry, Quill

You Deserve A Smile.

Till when will darkness seep away,
Into fibres of the cotton on your wrist,
As the light you loved goes so far away,
That you beg to glimpse through the mist,
Worry not, broken heart, look up and see,
Just see, it’s your turn to smile today,
Even though the pain hasn’t fully died,
Just know, it’s your turn to smile today,
You’re here with me, I see you now,
Feel the warmth of my embrace,
Forget the fires that burned you down,
And watch those little ones smile and sway,
The alleys that whispered those rotten sighs,
Behold, how brightly they shine today,
No matter what you’ve always been to me,
I love you, and you deserve to smile today.

Poetry, Quill

A Vintage Rustic Smell I Love

There used to be a candle on my table

Placed under an old, frail drawerIt carried souvenirs of the yore

And a vintage rustic smell I loved

It was kept the same way, unlit and unsoiled in perpetuum

But one day,I broke the rule,

And with a match the candle bloomed

It illumed the room and dismissed my gloom

I re-lived my dearest treasuries

That night, I re-lived my precious memories

By the next morning the candle had deliquesced

What left of it was its melted wax and its pleasant whiff

My room smelled the same as my candle did

A vintage rustic smell I loved

Which reminded me of memories beloved.