Quill

An Apology

So today, I am sorry. I am sorry that even today, after all this ‘progress’, I am scared. I am scared, that when I hug my male relatives, they will interpret it in a way that would leave me somewhere, mangled and torn. I am afraid, when I stand in an elevator with two unknown men. Everyday, when I leave the house, with all the safety that there can be, I am still terrified. This is the level of fear that has been ingrained in me and every other girl in our country. And most of all, everyday there is this fear, somewhere, deep in my bones that there is no limit to all the tortures that another 16 year old girl may be enduring somewhere. When I sit in my father’s arms at night, I feel guilty. Guilty that another girl might be caged in the prison of her rapist’s arms, slowly dying every second. Today, when pictures of Dr. Priyanka Reddy’s charred body flash on my phone, I give up. I don’t have the strength to tell my father that he worries too much, when he tells me to be alert and call him when I get to class. I can’t fight anymore. I don’t want to be another daughter whose honour India failed to uphold. I don’t want to be that girl whose body is found in a sack in a street trashcan, and whose pictures are splashed across the media. I don’t want my sister to know that I am scared, and I don’t want my parents to tell the world that I died fighting.
To Jyoti Singh, I can’t be fearless. To Dr. Priyanka Reddy, I can’t burn for my country to rise from the ashes.
To all my sisters, whose voices haven’t been heard, I am sorry. I am sorry that I am alive, and you are gone. I am sorry, that today, I think that being a rape survivor is a better fate than dying.
I am sorry that I want to live.

2 thoughts on “An Apology”

  1. Anhad says:

    Hey, this is a wonderful piece. But we are not allowed to name the rape victims, hence, names like Disha and Nirbhaya are used. This is because of the SC orders. Kindly do take note of the same.

    1. Kriti says:

      Surely.. Would look into it

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